jchensor

jchensor:

This has been a particularly rough past month for the world, especially those who are prevalent in Social Media circles. We’re starting to see the power that Social Media has as both a powerful and truthful means by which information can be spread despite attempts to silence it and as a dangerous…

jimmy c. hensor always knows what he’s talking about.

A post on grief, by my good friend Amy. She’s “GF” in the Satan McMurderson stories, and has posted some interesting thoughts (and a lot of stories of her own) on grief. It’s incredibly personal but it might help some people deal with their own.

Additionally, she goes over her time with Satan McMurderson (chapter 8). All in all, she’s a fucking trooper and one of the strongest people I know and I respect and love her dearly. I am happy things are looking up for her now and I hope for nothing but her happiness and success in the future.

The anatomy of an awful human being, part four

Yes, the previous spat was pretty bad, but I think anyone who basically reads the following e-mail will look at it and go, “are you fucking joking?”

Here is some backstory, though, so you understand why this is all going down: he broke up with his girlfriend of many years for some really fucking random reason. At some point when he had just moved into his new house, he decided to “confess” to my current girlfriend, basically out of the blue. My girlfriend, flabbergasted, looked at him dead in the eye and basically said “you are a fucking idiot.”

She, of course, didn’t want the relationship to implode upon itself, so she didn’t tell me anything had happened. Of course, Satan at some point spoke to some random person (a teacher friend of his from a school, if you recall), that enlightened him, and he decided to come clean with me. When he did, it wasn’t apologetically or admitting he had done something wrong.

Nope, he thought he was doing something good for bae. From what I understand, basically, he thought he was rescuing bae from me because I am apparently the worst human on the planet. And then he let me know like we were still cool, because he had told me, and that meant he was honest and a trustworthy guy. I can’t make this shit up.

I eventually ‘made up’ with him but kept him very much at arm’s length, because the dude is out of his goddamn mind. Eventually I joked around and made a post on his Facebook while he stayed logged onto a device, saying “PROTIP: Log off of Facebook when you’re done, [Satan].” or something to that extent, and he got hella mad at me and accused me of hacking and invading his privacy and basically escalated it to some insane level of… well, insane.

It all escalates to a few of the e-mails I’ve already posted here — a timeline which is kind of out of order, but fuck it, I’m just dumping this because I’m bored, he got brought up again (he always manages to come up in conversation because it’s like an old war story), and someone needs to laugh with me at this so that I can convince myself that it’s laugh-worthy.

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From: Satan McMurderson
To: Me

You must take time to relax and think. Ask yourself a simple question. Why do most of my friends love and respect me? What do I do that allows people to trust me? What do i do that makes people believe in me?
 
I must be doing something right. Whether you hate me or not, you do have to admit that I have a lot of great devoted friends and family. They are proud of my hard work and dedication. They know that I will help them or be there for them anytime they need me. [Bae] has trusted me to help her many times in her life and that’s why I trust her. [Bob] and all the great people who come to my parties, get togethers, and etc. certainly enjoy my company and even rely upon me in times of need. I do not pay them or trick them or use any sort of influence. They just know I’m a good trustworthy guy. And the police come to many parties when they are too loud or overcrowded with cars. That is a normal occurrence that happens with big parties so please don’t hold that against me. And by the way, I cut down many trees and killed many wasps attacking my neighbors’ yards to repay for that incident because they walked over and asked me to do so and I did it without argument.
 
Haven’t you noticed how respectful and honest I’ve been with you? I don’t play games. I don’t violate privacy. I don’t try to hurt you.
 
If you truly wanted to make amends and be friends, then you would have responded differently to my email. You would have asked important questions and perhaps even said “Hey [Satan], I did not know that you considered me a threat, let’s try and talk about this because maybe there’s a misunderstanding.” But instead you responded with more horrible insults, judgements, and negative comments. If someone responds that way, how can I not consider them a threat?
 
If you need to know why you are a threat, it’s because of the way you speak and treat me. I would never say such horrible things to you or anyone unless they killed my parents or something. When I read the emails you have sent me, I feel dirty, almost like a criminal. But then I remember that i am not anything like what you say about me. If I was that horrible of a person as the way you describe me, then I would want to kill myself.
 
Thank god that I have a healthy self-esteem because your words are truly hurtful. I have lost so much sleep and had such depressing conversations with friends and family because of you. You make me feel like the worst human being in the world even though I am constantly thinking positive and trying to be happy and helpful. It just flat-out hurts to read your emails. I really wish you could just read your emails and pretend that someone had written them to you. They are truly awful and I can’t imagine why you have so much hate in your soul.
 
Regardless, an apology no longer matters anymore. You would have to prove yourself through actions. You would have to prove that you are an amazing and responsible person by doing things that help your family, friends, and community. Borrowing hundreds of dollars to go to a videogame event when you are already in debt is hardly a good example. Sending hate emails is not a good example. Just relax and think about things before you do them in the future. Set an example for others.
 
In case you think I’m still a horrible person, think about everything that I do. I bought a house and I maintain it by working hard on it. I allow all friends and family to come over at anytime because I know that they want to have fun and get away from their problems for a while. When I was younger, I always visited friends because it was nice to get away. That’s why I NEVER say no to my friends and family when they want to come over. I will sacrifice sleep and anything just for them because I know it makes them happy and I feel the happiest when they are happy. I also help family and friends with their own problems and deal with mine at the same time. I am always willing to go on adventures, drive to gainesville, or do whatever it takes to make people happy. Why do I do it? Because I love my friends and family. I would rather take my family and friends out to dinner and pay for them instead of buying videogames. I truly enjoy making others happy.
 
Maybe that’s a sad and pathetic way to live. Maybe the way I am drives you nuts and makes you think I am retarded. Maybe I am ANNOYING and difficult to deal with at times. But I am a hardworking person with a good soul. I know that I make mistakes, but I make mistakes while trying to help others. I never do things for selfish reasons. I do not write hate emails and text messages. I simply live a happy life and let others tag along because it feels nice to have everyone with me and I know it makes them happy. I hate being alone. I am scared of being alone because life is too short and the world is too big to explore alone. That’s why i charge [Bob] HALF the price to live in my home. He only pays $300 per month. I could easily charge $600 or more for someone to live in a full-size home. But I love that kid and everyone in my life. [Schmoe], [Curly], [Randolph], and many others have slept over my house countless times and I never charge them or ask anything of them. We are just good friends who have fun and respect each other.
 
How many times have I tried to help you? I have given you advice, given you money, driven you places, done whatever it takes to help you get back on your feet. And you repay me with hate mail? If you don’t think your emails are hateful, then just go back and count how many curse words and insults you throw out there. You don’t have to apologize, just be a great man and respect people. People shouldn’t have to demand or ask for respect. I respect everyone when I first meet them and I continue to respect them until they do something stupid and hurtful. And even after they do such a thing, I try to work it out. But only a fool forgives someone and gets hurt by the same person multiple times.
 
I have been a fool for worrying about you and trying to forgive you multiple times. I have lost too much sleep and seen too much sadness out of [bae] and [gf] to continue worrying about you. Now I simply want to move on and maybe in a few years, your actions will speak louder than any hate mail you have written to me. Maybe your positive good actions will erase my negative memories of you and help create new positive memories of you. That is the same wish I have for [trumpeter] and anyone else who may ever try to hurt me. The world is full of opportunities and second chances. Maybe everyone who makes mistakes can turn themselves around eventually. But it takes time and positive actions. Anyone can do it if they truly want to improve their way of life.
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE ACHIEVED THE NEXT LEVEL OF GODDAMN OUT OF ONE’S MIND
The following was the next e-mail in line before the “I only want to be friends to help you” e-mail.
—————————————————————

From: Me
To: Satan McMurderson

You must take time to relax and think. Ask yourself a simple question. Why do most of my friends love and respect me? What do I do that allows people to trust me? What do i do that makes people believe in me?
Because you are a fundamentally nice person, for the most part. Lately you haven’t been.
 
Haven’t you noticed how respectful and honest I’ve been with you? I don’t play games. I don’t violate privacy. I don’t try to hurt you.
This is up for debate.
 
If you truly wanted to make amends and be friends, then you would have responded differently to my email. You would have asked important questions and perhaps even said “Hey [Satan], I did not know that you considered me a threat, let’s try and talk about this because maybe there’s a misunderstanding.” But instead you responded with more horrible insults, judgements, and negative comments. If someone responds that way, how can I not consider them a threat?
Because you’re ignorant. You’ve known me for more than 6 years. If you’ve known me for so long and you can so easily consider me a “threat,” then you have to be ignorant.
 
If you need to know why you are a threat, it’s because of the way you speak and treat me. I would never say such horrible things to you or anyone unless they killed my parents or something. When I read the emails you have sent me, I feel dirty, almost like a criminal. But then I remember that i am not anything like what you say about me. If I was that horrible of a person as the way you describe me, then I would want to kill myself.
Slow down here, kid. As far as I know, I have yet to call you Hitler. I said things that are accurate (ie. that you are passive-aggressive, that you have a holier-than-thou personality, that you irritate others with said things). If you think they’re not accurate, ask people around you to be brutally honest and tell them whether you are both of these things. Also promise to not be angry, but that you simply want to know if it’s true. Ask the people that are actually close to you.
 
Thank god that I have a healthy self-esteem because your words are truly hurtful. I have lost so much sleep and had such depressing conversations with friends and family because of you. You make me feel like the worst human being in the world even though I am constantly thinking positive and trying to be happy and helpful. It just flat-out hurts to read your emails. I really wish you could just read your emails and pretend that someone had written them to you. They are truly awful and I can’t imagine why you have so much hate in your soul.
The problem is that I don’t hate you. I’m just fed up with your shit. Constantly thinking positive and trying to be happy when you push your friends away from you is what most people would consider douchebaggery.
 
Regardless, an apology no longer matters anymore. You would have to prove yourself through actions. You would have to prove that you are an amazing and responsible person by doing things that help your family, friends, and community. Borrowing hundreds of dollars to go to a videogame event when you are already in debt is hardly a good example. Sending hate emails is not a good example. Just relax and think about things before you do them in the future. Set an example for others.
Borrowing hundreds of dollars that I paid back immediately, for an event where people appreciate my help, where I’ve done a good deal of networking, for an event that I’ve put on my resumé and has helped me get a job in the field I want… know what, Mike? Let me know when your life experience becomes relevant to my own. Good luck with that (it isn’t).
Since you feel that way though, I’ll drop off the $80 at your house tomorrow (or on Saturday if possible).
 
In case you think I’m still a horrible person, think about everything that I do. I bought a house and I maintain it by working hard on it. I allow all friends and family to come over at anytime because I know that they want to have fun and get away from their problems for a while. When I was younger, I always visited friends because it was nice to get away. That’s why I NEVER say no to my friends and family when they want to come over. I will sacrifice sleep and anything just for them because I know it makes them happy and I feel the happiest when they are happy. I also help family and friends with their own problems and deal with mine at the same time. I am always willing to go on adventures, drive to gainesville, or do whatever it takes to make people happy. Why do I do it? Because I love my friends and family. I would rather take my family and friends out to dinner and pay for them instead of buying videogames. I truly enjoy making others happy.
Actually, you like making yourself happy. You like surrounding yourself with people who make you happy. Whenever someone does not make you happy, you are very quick to lash out or get irritated. You are also really, really good at putting other people down (you did so about me to [trumpeter], for instance, and vice versa when he got angry at you) and essentially inventing things about them in your head, so please spare me this. We’ve been down this road.
 
Maybe that’s a sad and pathetic way to live. Maybe the way I am drives you nuts and makes you think I am retarded. Maybe I am ANNOYING and difficult to deal with at times. But I am a hardworking person with a good soul. I know that I make mistakes, but I make mistakes while trying to help others. I never do things for selfish reasons. I do not write hate emails and text messages. I simply live a happy life and let others tag along because it feels nice to have everyone with me and I know it makes them happy. I hate being alone. I am scared of being alone because life is too short and the world is too big to explore alone. That’s why i charge [Bob] HALF the price to live in my home. He only pays $300 per month. I could easily charge $600 or more for someone to live in a full-size home. But I love that kid and everyone in my life. [Schmoe], [Crikey], [Randolph], and many others have slept over my house countless times and I never charge them or ask anything of them. We are just good friends who have fun and respect each other.
I know you’re afraid of being alone. It’s why I know why you make the decisions you do. I understand you better than you think I do.
 
How many times have I tried to help you? I have given you advice, given you money, driven you places, done whatever it takes to help you get back on your feet. And you repay me with hate mail? If you don’t think your emails are hateful, then just go back and count how many curse words and insults you throw out there. You don’t have to apologize, just be a great man and respect people. People shouldn’t have to demand or ask for respect. I respect everyone when I first meet them and I continue to respect them until they do something stupid and hurtful. And even after they do such a thing, I try to work it out. But only a fool forgives someone and gets hurt by the same person multiple times.
There’s a lot of truth in between the shits and the fucks, trust me. When I get angry about something, I swear a lot. It’s the reason why my previous e-mails to these have been curt and to the point. The reason I know you don’t read anything is because even then, you never really absorbed what I had to say to you. If you aren’t going to read anything I say, I might as well swear a lot; you aren’t going to read it anyway.
 
I have been a fool for worrying about you and trying to forgive you multiple times. I have lost too much sleep and seen too much sadness out of [bae] and [gf] to continue worrying about you. Now I simply want to move on and maybe in a few years, your actions will speak louder than any hate mail you have written to me. Maybe your positive good actions will erase my negative memories of you and help create new positive memories of you. That is the same wish I have for [trumpeter] and anyone else who may ever try to hurt me. The world is full of opportunities and second chances. Maybe everyone who makes mistakes can turn themselves around eventually. But it takes time and positive actions. Anyone can do it if they truly want to improve their way of life.
I like how this is still about what did to you.
Let me just say it straight, so you’ll understand: this is pretty much about how you’ve treated me over the last year or so and my getting fed up with it. This isn’t about how you’re happy and cool. This is about you not realizing you often act like an entitled asshole, and subsequently how you can’t understand why anyone would be angry at you about it. You have your redeeming qualities, Mike — everyone does. But I simply choose to not take those over your bad ones anymore, because your bad ones got too obvious to ignore. Deal with it.
Also, I know you’re going to reply with something like “well you have your bad qualities but I stood by you” and I’m going to preemptively call bullshit on that. If you don’t understand why, please recall what you did earlier this year and get bent.
- [nothingxs]